Seven things you should never, ever bring up in conversation

There's an art to sparkling conversation, and so many traps to avoid if you don't want your chit chat to run into a dead end.

You're bound to find yourself at a Christmas party this month, trying to come up with a convo starter to dazzle your companions.

If so, here are the hazards to swerve, courtesy of someone's cute grandma at National Public Radio.

Maria Matthiessen has this list of totally off-limit topics, which she insists are so tiresome and tedious, you'll just put your friends to sleep.

1. ROUTE TALK

"Route talk is when people tell you how they arrived, or how they came, how they got on the road, which road, how long it took," Ms Matthiessen explains.

"That is the top of my list for what you don't talk about."

2. MONEY

This one's from the old-school list of banned dinner party conversations (y'know, never talk about sex, money or religion) and it belongs on Ms Matthiessen list of boring topics, too.

"Talking about money is considered, in certain circles, extremely rude. Not rude, just ... vulgar," she says.

3. YOUR HEALTH

"Nobody cares. Nobody ever cares about other people's health."

Whoa, that sounds a bit ruthless.

"I mean, if it's something serious and it's a friend, obviously you want to hear about it. It's the common colds, the ... aches and pains, it's really tiresome."

4. DREAMS

There is a hard-and-fast rule banning this one in my house, too.

Ever notice people retell their dreams in a tedious step-by-step format, without ever managing to recreate the spookiness or eeriness of the original version in their brains?

Yeah, it's the worst. Forbidden.

Ms Matthiessen agrees. "Nobody cares about your dreams," she says.

5. YOUR PERIOD

Surely this doesn't need too much explanation. It's the very epitome of unpalatable conversation, perhaps only bested by poo talk.

6. YOUR DIET

"Diet is a very big thing not to talk about. It's really boring," Ms Matthiessen advises.

This includes your weight-loss regimen and your food intolerances.

Gluten, vegan, dairy-free, whatever, keep it to yourself.

7. HOW YOU SLEPT

When you think about it, this topic of conversation is inherently boring. After all, the way you slept even put you to sleep.