Cops catch fire-juggling unicyclist performing on crossing and admit he's 'quite good'

In the dusty land of Commerce City, where stoplights blink and cars wait as if trapped in some eternal traffic jam, appeared a creature so strange that even the local squirrels paused in confusion. It wasn’t a dragon (alas), but a man,  a man upon a unicycle,  gleefully juggling torches wreathed in flame right in the middle of the intersection at US-85 and 60th Avenue.

Picture him: a dashing figure in a red hat and technicolor jacket, legs pedaling the spinning wheel of destiny back and forth like he was weaving spells, all while hurling fire sticks into the very air that humdrum commuters breathed. Motorists, still clutching their steering wheels, suddenly found themselves front-row audience members in what could only be described as the start of a circus apocalypse.

Police drones, those buzzing metal eyes in the sky, caught his balletic inferno ballet from above, and officers on the ground watched in stunned silence. Was this spectacle a magical blessing? A herald of the end times? No… just an act both “quite good and quite illegal,” as one cop aptly sputtered online. 

Before the final crescendo, a perfect pirouette with fire torches,  a friendly law enforcement nudge guided our hero away from his stage. No curses were uttered, no tickets were slapped onto his unicycle, just a firm suggestion that perhaps flaming acrobatics belong somewhere other than a busy road.

And as drivers resumed their trips, blinking like owls awoken at dawn, the legend of the fire-juggling unicycle rider lived on,  a bizarre tale whispered on breath mists and traffic reports for years to come.