Pub offers chilling punishment for families who let children roam free

A Chicago pub sign offers a terrifying waing for parents who lets children roam free – saying that unattended youngsters will be given a shot of espresso, and as if that wasn't bad enough, a puppy.

As any parent will tell you, giving children coffee is directly equivalent to the effect of giving adults crystal meth, and should not be attempted in built-up areas.

Throwing in a puppy on top ensures a life of unending filth and misery for the suffering parents, even once they've peeled their high-as-kites youngsters off the ceiling.

The Lagunitas Brewing Company in Petaluma makes no apology for the sign (which is almost certainly a joke, although we haven't dared test it) – but proudly proclaims its dog-friendliness.

Other TripAdvisor reviews have offered hints as to why children may not be welcome.

‘Great for beer people,' says one, More beer than I imagined,' says another – and someone concludes, ‘Beer, beer – and bring your dog!'